He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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