i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
