I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize