I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
