dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize