you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
