remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
