I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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