I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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