it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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