I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize