But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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