i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
