I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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