Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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