I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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