Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We have started to decorate penises.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
