Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
