she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
