He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
