Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
