The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
