He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize