My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I deserve this hangover.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
