i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
