sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
