Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
