I am puke
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
