i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
