If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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