im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
