I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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