Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
