last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
