i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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