Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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