What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize