No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
