I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
