Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
