i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
