i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
