so that wasnt chicken after all
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
