Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
