OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
