I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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