I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
