i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
