If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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