Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wish I only lived at night.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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