Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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