remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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