summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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