Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
