Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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