I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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