Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
