so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
