just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I came so hard my ears popped.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
