woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
