i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
