I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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