Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
