I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
