My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
