she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
