three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize