I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
