So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And then my night got REAL pukey
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
