best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
