Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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