eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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