New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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