dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
