Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
