the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
