Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize