just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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