She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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