I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
